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Some Shit In Our Shoes

by Cheapshow

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It's 11:46, on December 31, 2009. As we sift through dead hellos, we jump in the line to flip those plastic cups just to pass the time. Sometime I think that we have lost our minds. And I'm beginning to believe that thats a sign. And when that clock strikes twelve, that ball in New York City will have fallen from the sky down to the street. And we'll kiss and hug and laugh and cry and thank God that we're alive, because the world has turned it's back on us and sighed. Would things have gotten any better if I'd died? Whoever said things would get better must have lied.
And I've been waiting for this year to come, and now that it's here, I've got this feeling it will end up the same. I've been wasting wasted minutes chasing dreams I'll never have instead of watching Always Sunny with my friends. Or being thankful for the few things that we have. Any whoever said on New Year's we get a clean slate, never got a DUI. I fell that I am workin' every day of my life, but what do I have to show for it? (I wanna pack up and quit) I've got a few tattoos and the stories that I've told ya, but i don't think that they'll help me get a job. And my father e still asks me 'what do you want to do with your life?' And the only thing that i can say is 'that I wanna make you proud of me.' And the air has gotten warmer, but the ice still hasn't cracked; so the cities are still growin' on the lake. And I know business is cooling off and I'm starting to lose work, but thats not the thing thats keepin' me awake. But I'm starting to realize the toll it takes. And my mother calls me every night, just to make sure I'm still alive. I fell that I am workin' every day of my life, but what do I have to show for it? (I wanna pack up and quit) I've got a few tattoos and the stories that I've told ya, but i don't think that they'll help me get a job. And my girlfriend told me that she is packin' all her shit and movin' out. What am I supposed to say? Please don't.
When I was younger, the trip Downriver, felt like it was longer than it was today. But theres excitement in my bones, and my girl and Matt and Heather sing will all their hearts good-bye to Baby Blue. 'But what if all the kids there suck?' I'm screaming I don't care. Cause it's the Wonder Years and I've waited for too long; to scream out. And I've been building up bridges that I've burned along time ago. I'm makin' some new friends over beer and some rock n' roll. I'm keeping my ties tied tight to the people and the place that I call home. And as the snow falls soft tonight, here in Michigan. We will close the roads and schools, but still go out. Because theres nothing stopping us. And we'll get some breakfast and discuss the plan of action tonight. We'll get some beer and then we'll sled until the cops come or the case dies. And we'll say tonight was worth it until we die.
And the sun is coming up and I am slowly getting sobered from the long night I am drinking with my friends. And I know some of us aren’t happy and that some of us are dead but my head pounds to remind me that there is some life left to live and I am fucking god damn happy I’m alive. And I was sleepin’ in a bed with 3 of my closest friend, just to wake up to be late to work again. And I will wish my little sister happy birthday. I love you. And I feel like I’m dreamin’ but I haven’t slept in a day and a half cause I’m afraid that I won’t wake up again. And I’ll just keep smoking these cigarettes and drink what’s put in my cup in hopes that it brings me closer to god. And the weathers finally changing, but somehow I’m still stuck inside. And all the roads around my house have gone to hell. I keep saying that I’ll quit my job, but I’m scared that I’ll be happy. We’ll just break our empty bottles then we’ll walk to get some more and I’ll keep coughing like I have for 3 long months. And I was driving all across metro Detroit just to see all my friends play their hearts out in bands. And we’ll touch everything we see up to the ceiling, and hold it there. This past weeks given me some hope but I haven’t slept in a day and a half cause I’m afraid that I won’t wake up again. So I’ll just keep smoking these cigarettes and drink what’s put in my cup in hopes that it brings me closer to god. And when the water main broke, it forced our neighbors to their homes with what water they could find. We jumped inside your car and we drove to a far off collage towns, just to sit inside an arcade in a basement.
I’ve come to realize that every single day, I feel like throwing up; that feeling won’t go away. For one reason or another, my stomachs tied up into knots. Is this a side effect of the life I chose? And could self-medicating help me fall asleep at night? Well, I hope. When I can’t sleep, I start to think: What’s happened to this city, to this state and to me? And what would make you want to break up. Then I’ll turn on the T.V., in hopes that something good tonight will put me to sleep or bring clarity to why I cant remember much of last week. And after roller derby we had to walk 13 blocks, the Stick forgot to pick us up. And on my birthday almost everyone I care about was hiding silent in the dark. And we drank until the morning; I fell asleep easier that night. But I wont hold my breath. It’s hard to believe that it’s been two years since we first met, and you came to see me play at that corporate chain coffee shop downtown. Me and my little sister tattooed peanuts on our feet because what ever doesn’t kill us might have better luck, might have better luck next time.
Dear Eleanor, I haven’t forgot about you. My eyesight’s started to go, but spring is finally here. It’s been raining for the past two fuckin’ weeks and it seems that the days have run together. But I tell my girl I love her, cause it’s finally been two years since I asked to stand by my side. And I’ll say “Baby, some day maybe, We can buy a house and get the hell out of this town. But until then, we’ll just keep riding our bikes around.” Slowly all of my best friends are growing up and moving out, but we’ll still meet up and have a beer. Mom and Dad shared a quarter of a century and I’ve started to wonder if I’d ever love like that. They said “Son, things aren’t getting better, but we’re doing the best that we can.” And every day I hope I look more like my Dad. And I’ve been sleeping a little bit better because the knots inside my stomach finally quit. But I’ve started to realize, some of the people I call friends aren’t really that friendly to me. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
Summer came, much slower than we wanted but now it’s here I hope it’d never want to leave. I’m seein’ smoke rise off the fire I just built. It makes me glad you’re sittin here with me. In a place where electricity is just out off reach. And all the walls here leak, there’s shit to eat. I’d do anything to keep from going home. We keep on Biking Tuff and live it up in all the divey bars that stand strong around this town. And My Baseball bat’s got shitbag scribbled all over it’s sides and if you come into this state you better be prepared to fight. But we’ll drive down to the city to watch the fire in the sky. And everybody’s taking pictures incase they can’t remember what it’s like, feeling numb.
We stayed up to watch the sunrise; those damn vampires kept us up all night. And I’m tryin’ like hell to keep my eyes open. I’m still drunk and you’re gettin’ high. For summer it’s pretty cold outside but I couldn’t take this from you. And I don’t think you would believe me if I told you the truth. I’ve never found the rising sun to be that pretty, but I sure like sittin’ next to you. I've met some kids from out of state and out of county, turns out they all bleed like me. They write songs about the girls that stole their hearts, or changed the locks and how a time zone only changes how you sleep. 'You know. You’ve been actin' kinda funny and when I brought that up to you, you couldn’t put your finger on it but you broke it off the day you knew.
And I wonder what she’s gonna say when she finds out I wasn’t lying. What ever helps you fall asleep at night. It just two more drink till I call it quits and I find come place to crash, like in your bed or on the couch or on the floor. And I hope that this half birthdays beats out your real one. because you’re, you’re a summer lovin’ dude. But when December rolls around for your real one, you can be god damn certain I’ll be getting drunk with you. I’m stuck standing on a line; dividing me between: do you really like her or is this just a way to help you sleep at night. But for the first time in two years I don’t have to feel fucking guilty if I think a gal is pretty or if she’s cool. And now the thought of “I love you” scares the shit right out of me. So I’ll just keep on talking walks and then I’ll drink myself to sleep, with my best friends and some cartoons. And I started talking to some new kids, the kind that live just down the street cause We’ve lived here our whole lives and we’ve never hung out and I’d really like to get some coffee. And all my friends told me (All my friends told me!) everything that I’ve come to realize about you. But for what it’s worth, I really liked holding your hand.
You’ll find me screaming at the top of my lung, with hopes that you can hear me. Because the days are getting shorter and my sleep patterns are shrinking too and now that goddamn cough of mine has found it’s way home. And I feel like the only thing I’m eating is top ramen and cheap beer. I guess I’ll never understand why’d you wanna leave here. Tonight, I felt alive. With all my friend’s by my side. The way we did when we were 16 and the world was in our hands. And it still kills me to know that nights like these are coming few and far between. We got our picture in the paper and I can’t help but laugh. We almost bailed altogether to watch cartoons instead. And believe me when I say, when it rains it pours. And sometimes I feel I’m goin under.
I’ve been driving, for what seems like forever and a day. Straight up the high way that divides this fallen state. It started raining and I don’t care because today I packed my bags and got the hell out of dodge. And the leaves, they’ve started changing and the cold is setting in. And my body started aching, my hearts pounding in my head. We all put on costumes and flooded in like a disease, to throw a party like the ones in the movies. Everybody was wasted, everybody except for you and me and I wouldn’t change that for the world. And I know we haven’t spoken in what seams like forever. But I wanted to wish you happy birthday and I hope this one will be better for you.
And I was raised with the fear of god instilled into my head. But if he’s real, I think he’s the one that’s scared of us instead. When things should be getting better, they’re just staying the same. And every night, I find I’m getting wasted with my friends, we say the things that we’ve already said. About how we’re gonna change the fucking world and make a name for ourselves in the end. And I thought that I’d be closer, but I’m getting farther away. It’s like everything I’m working for means nothing. And my stomach’s turning over at the thought of things that just might come to be to be. And the whole worlds turned to grey scale, the ground freezing at my feet. And what few things are still alive prepare to die. But I still down at a table with the best of all my friends and I give thanks cause we’re still alive. We’re still alive, we’re still alive and that’ shits good enough for me. We’re still alive, we’re still alive, we’re still alive.
These days feel like some of the warmest that I've ever felt in metro Detroit in December. And I know they’ll be gone next week. And I’ve been working my fucking fingers to the bone to make sure I can eat. And I’ve been pulling all the change from my pockets so I can buy a bottle to help me sleep. And these days all bleed together, like the nights that you’ve been spendin with me. When it comes time for us to move on, I hope that you won’t forget about me. I’ve been locked up in my friend’s bedrooms, or their basements or their kitchens for some time. And I don’t know if it was worth it, but I know I won’t forget, breakfast at tiffany’s cause we both kinda liked it. Or at least, I think that’s the thing that we both yelled. And when you woke me up for work that Friday morning, those six dollars were the best I’ve ever spent. And I’ve been doing my best not to get a head of myself. It seems most common in times like these, that I will jump the gun, jump the gun and I’ll have to jump this ship and everyone knows that I’m not the strongest swimmer. And if looks like shit, at least you’ll know that I made it with some love and dedication. I cross my heart. And in times like these, it don’t mean much, but I thought that you should know that I really like where this is going. I hope I lived up to the promise I made six months ago. Because you’re 23 and if shit goes down, there’s just a few more years to go. And if you told me I’d be standing here a year ago today, next to by best friends, I’d surely laugh because we all made it through again.
It was about 10:37, on December 31, 2010. And as we walk through the doorway, we were welcomed with open arms and happy heart to let me know that I’m home. What was theirs, we took and made our own. I can’t believe you used to think we’re alone. And when that clock strikes twelve, that ball in New York City will have fallen from the sky down to the street. And I’ll pull you close and kiss you hard like it’s the first time in my life that I got to have a pretty girl at my side. We’ll just keep taking all this shit we’re in by stride. But I’m just happy that we’re here and we’re alive.


I've never really been a journal person. So I figured this would be the best way to help me remember all the things that myself and my friends did, said and forgot between December 31, 2009 and December 31, 2010.

I recorded all of the songs by myself in my bedroom using the mic that was built into my computer, on software that came standard on it.

Now, I could get all artsy and feed you a big self-rightous monolog about how this is the best record that I've ever recorded, and whatever other bull shit everyone else says when they release a new cd. But I will say this:

No one ever really knows how much the things they do and say can effect another person. Be it positive or negative, I have honestly changed my opinions, living habits and outlook on life because of the things I've experienced in 2010.
This record, I feel, is the most accurate depiction of exactly how I felt in said months.

And for something artsy:
This record came out like shit, but I tried to make the best of it. Just like last year.

Love, Vince


released February 15, 2011

On this recording Cheapshow is:
Vincent Troia


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