1. |
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I try and think of all the things that I've learned that help this shit seem POSITIVE. It might be sad to say, but I don’t really think I can.
Everywhere I go it seems there’s a pop song on the radio that sings sex, and drugs, and MONEY'S all you need to know. What happened to community, and things like trust and chivalry? I guess I’ll have just one more drink and call it a night
It might be childish to think that something as simple as taking one deep breath could change all this.
“What do you think?” Her voice was subtle like the rain that was falling on the street. “Because I feel I haven’t seen a star in weeks. There’s gotta be something that we can do to show we still have faith and to put a few new stars up in the sky.”
“We've got to come together”
Everywhere I go it seems there’s a protest on the TV's screen that says “occupy with us to get what you want.” Instead, what if we started small with a LOCAL goal to help us all and not a laundry list of wants like we’re criminals.
It might be childish to think that something as simple as helping someone out could change all his.
“What do you think?” It was subtle like the rain that was falling on the street. “because I feel I haven’t seen a star in weeks. There’s gotta be something that we can do to show we still have faith and to put a few new stars up in the sky.”
“We've got to come together”
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2. |
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Tonight I plan on get way too drunk to drive and just sit alone in my room WATCHING TV. And I keep replaying the words you said to me when you walked out of my door. “This isn’t working, this isn’t working, this isn’t working anymore.”
I still remember the first night we met like it was only last week. You wore that sundress; you had your hair down and I said I liked your lipstick. We went outside to have a cigarette and beneath the streetlights I swear I fell, I swear I fell, I swear I fell in love with you that night.
And as I empty this bottle and make my way to my bed, your conditioner still lingers on my pillow, and I’m hoping, come on now darlin, please darken my door.
We drained our eyes and I searched for something. And by something, I mean anything that could help this stay afloat instead of sinking. So I bottled up and caped it off and put it on my shelf, in hopes this weathered ship might sail again.
And as I sit here and wonder about what haunts these thin walls. I want to say, I’m kind of scared with out my best friend and I’m hoping, come on now darlin, please darken my door.
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3. |
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I’ve never felt so uninspired. I’ve never felt so sick. I’ve been here stuck and screaming, cursing this place. I don’t know if I’m waiting for something to change its pace. All I know is I’ve been spilling my GUTS on to the floor. And lately I can’t remember the last time you said you were happy. And I’m with you.
It’s been a few months since I got your call saying, “shit has gone to hell.” I’ve never felt so uninspired. I’ve never felt so sick. I feel like I’ve been stuck here screaming “the boy was just a kid.” And that “He should be coming home real soon.” And for Fuck’s sake, I’m with you.
I feel like a piece inside me dies every time it’s nice enough to skateboard. Or when I see your car. And I know you’d hate a sad song cause you never wanted this. But I still hear you singing. I can still hear you singing.
And I will keep on living to make sure your heart is safe and that you’re celebrated. And I’ll never take for granted the few things that we both shared because you brought us here. And you brought us together.
I’ve never felt so uninspired. I’ve never felt so sick.
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4. |
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Where I come from, suicide is something we do for fun. Instead of last RESORT, it seems to be the first thing we come up with for our weekends. And I know you’re happy. I know you happy and you’ve got your girlfriend, but you’re still drinkin like a fish. And you’ll stay up all night long and you’ll keep smoking cigarettes until it kills you, because everybody dies one day.
You’re getting high, to help forget how low you’ve been. And I really hope it’s working. “I’m doin’ fine. I’m doin’ fine, I’m doin’ a-okay. At least thats what I keep on telling myself. I hope it’s true.”
I’ve made excuses for far too long to make this okay and I probably be lying to myself. It might be saudade or just apathy, but the hole inside my chest is slowly growing to swallow me up whole.
You’re getting high, to help forget how low you’ve been. And I really hope it’s working. “I’m doin’ fine. I’m doin’ fine, I’m doin’ a-okay. At least thats what I keep on telling myself. I hope it’s true.”
Where I come from, suicide is something we do for fun. Instead of last resort, it seems to be the first thing we come up with for our weekends.
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5. |
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And I met a young man in the city. He sings there’s no luck in his hands. So he took his pop’s six shot revolver and put another hole in his head.
And they say, to bury your children will leave you empty, shell-shocked and bare. But to bury your brother alone at sixteen is a burden that no girl should have.
And now it’s been a few year. And all her friends moved away. And she moved down to the city for art school last spring and she started to sing the same way.
And I met a woman at the corner store. She said her husband just ain’t right. So she bought some drano and filled up his gut, that shit turned him inside out.
And the police, they took her away. The judge charged her life in a first degree case and now she spends every day in a cage. She hasn’t spoken to her kids since that day.
Because their father was a good man. He worked his hands to the bone to buy bread. Their mother had just lost her mind. Now her son’s six feet under and her daughter’s just waitin’ to die.
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6. |
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You know, I’d really like to thank you for helping me to sleep, all of those nights I spent lying in your bed between your sheets. I was drunk and I was lonely and I was looking for some body to lean on. And I know this might sound trite and a little insincere, but every SINGLE second I spent driving brought me closer to feeling like I’m home.
When I woke up in your apartment, you were still asleep. The sun had started coming up; you could see the puddles on the street. I got a glass a water to help me wash the stale taste from my mouth.
I did my best to try not to wake you, as I gathered up my things. But you open up your eyes and then you said to me “Come back to bed. That place you’re going to is gonna be there even if you lay down with me.”
And at that moment I got scared, that I would jump the gun and start this ship a sinking. Still I dropped all my shit and jumped back in that ocean of grey sheets you call your bed.
Even when I showed up late, you were still wating there for me. You said it was your first time but from everything I’ve seen; you didn’t need to hold my hand but I think you did just to make me happy.
And in the parking lot you kissed me and I thought that I just might say “you know, you’ve been looking god damn BEAUTIFULtonight and everyday since I’ve met you.” But I didn’t and I really wanted you to know it’s true.
Now I can’t help but wonder every time I try to drive that STRETCH of highway would things be different if I opened up my mouth.
I guess I could blame timing because I really have the worst, but I’d really like to get a cup of coffee. And hear your voice and we can talk about the things that we’ve both done.
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7. |
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Lets ride bikes up to he corner store, the one that knows both of our names, we can get some beer and then head down to the river. We can go swimming in our underwear and hide out under the bridge. And we can talk about whatever’s on your minds.
Like the government or the weather or religion and the war on drugs or the places you’d like to see, cause I’d love to hear.
Then we’ll ride home soaking wet. Just to scream at my, shitty, beat up, t.v. set. Over Jeopardy; or Baseball games; or the news; or PBS. Or we could sit out side and get little high.
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8. |
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Speak up, Shot down. My heart still bleeding from this. They said we sport the uniform of the outspoken.
And we will get what we deserve because thats what we want.
Then next time you see us, you wont remember our names. You'll try to convince us that we're alone and insane.
You'll say it's best to just fall in and shut our goddamn mouths. That's when we'll spark the flame to ignite the fire, to burn you to the ground.
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9. |
The Devastator
01:54
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I’ve never had a problem that I couldn’t fix with a crush proof pack of cigarettes, and beer. And you’ll never find me praying to god on my knees. You'll find me standing and screaming right here.
until my fist and my heart no longer bleed.
We live in a nation, where a special FBI tasks force can raid your home for just owning a book. I find it funny, because they told us all in school to read everything you can get your fucking hands on. There are still people who try to pray away the gay and don’t believe in dinosaurs or evolution. And they will pick up arms and cut off the heads of anything like or understand.
And can someone please explain to me, without scrolls or the good book, how the right to life outweighs the right to live.
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10. |
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My feet were muddy and my socks soaked up all of the water that seeped though my shoes, as I walked past the street that you used to live on. I wondered how you have been feeling. And I wondered if everyone’s treating you well. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see you off.
I tried to recall your voice, my feet went numb. Cheap coffee has lost its appeal since you’ve gone.
I wish someone could fall in love with me the way that I fell in love with you. You looked past my failures and bummed me your smokes and you mismatched your clothes with your shoes.
Now when I eat at that diner, I sit in our booth alone. Come back to me, back to me, back to me, back to
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11. |
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I've been sitting here for a few weeks now. Well, since you said your good-byes. And I've been doing anything that I can get my hands on to help, help me feel alive. Because I'm too damn tired and I'm too damn numb to be of any use in this. So I'll just sit right here and try getting better, I'm doing the best that i can.
As I sit here, searching for a hand to hold, or at least to help me up. I'm reminded that I've never been alone and some people don't give up.
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12. |
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I know everyone gets lonely. And I know everyone gets sad. And I know that there are day that you feel like this is the end but it’s not and I can promise you a friend.
“Have another pull of whiskey. Have another fuckin' beer.” We’ll pick up our guitars and we’ll scream into the night that “we don’t give a damn about our, our reputation”
We’ll scream until out lungs collapse, then we’ll scream a little more. We’ll scream until the cops come rip the hinges from our doors.
We’ve all worked too hard and come too far. We turned this house into a home. And with every part of me that hasn’t turned black yet, I promise you a fucking hand to hold. Because your feeling safe means more to me than my entire life. And I hope we live to the exact same day so that you’ll never be alone. So that you’ll never be alone.
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13. |
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I'd like to keep this moving forward with someone just like you, but just a little bit better.
And I know things will work out great. You know, you really are a stand up guy. And I know you'll do fine things, just not here or now.
The things I'd do to help me feel anything except used or kicked when I'm down; would make you sick.
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14. |
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I used to concern myself with getting fucked up. I still get fucked up, but for different reasons. I used to concern myself with picking up chicks. Instead, I watch The Office. I'd rather watch The Office. But that shit got canceled, so I guess I fucked up. I'm still getting fucked up anyway.
I used to concern myself with getting wasted. It's like getting fucked up, but for different reasons. I used to concern myself with things like convention, being found attractive, and achieving success. And MAKING MONEY. I don't have any money. I'm still getting fucked up anyway.
I used to concern myself with getting shit faced. It's like getting fucked up, but for different reasons. I used to concern myself with social status, impressive titles, and rigidity. And if I'm being honest, shit's really fucked up. It's getting more fucked up every day.
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15. |
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Some days I feel like I'm going crazy. And still other days I feel like I've already gone. And I've got this sinking feeling that there's someone behind me, but when I turn back around they've already gone.
And I try to blame simple things like my died; or the drugs; or the drinks; or the stress from my job. And I can't help but wonder: Will this weight on my mind move down to my shoulders and cripple my spine?
And You say "It might be a ghost." But if ghost are real, then god is real. And if god is real, I must be insane.
Some days I feel like I'm going crazy. And still other days I feel like I'm fucking insane. I can't help but wonder: How's this gonna end? It's just red bike, some flowers, a bug and again and again.
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